Q: Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying a violin case?  
A: They think he’s carrying a machine gun and might be about to use it. 
Q: Why do people tremble with fear when someone comes into a bank carrying a viola case?  
A: They think he’s carrying a viola and might be about to use it. 

A man and his son were walking through a cemetery. The boy asked, “Daddy, do they bury two people in the same grave?”
The father said, “Two people? Let me look.”
So the father took a look, and sure enough, the marker said, “Here lies a symphony conductor and a humble man.”

Q: Christopher Hogwood, Daniel Barenboim, and Neville Mariner are all on the same plane when it ditches in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean. Who is saved?
A: Mozart

Taken from http://suewidemark.com/violinjokes.htm